Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Never let your siblings swipe right.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
