this just has baby written all over it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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