what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
YAS. BRING CRAB.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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