Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
