I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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