well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
