oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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