i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
