I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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