I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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