oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
