Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
