Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
