I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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