I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
