she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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