There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
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I need you to use more vowels.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Randomize