OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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