She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
