I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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