Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
