Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
