I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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