I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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