I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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