I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
