On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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