Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
