Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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