Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
