I'm eating all of the evidence.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
