My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
