Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize