the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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