i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
