You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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