proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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