He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
