I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
