Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
