..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
