Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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