Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
