i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
