you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize