I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
