She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Did we literally take a cab across the street
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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