I can tuck mytits in my pants
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
