Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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