if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I looked at my own cervix.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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