Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
