Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
