I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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