She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
