I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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