you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize