dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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