My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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