Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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