I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
