you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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