So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
