please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
