6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
