If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize