I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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