fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
