I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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