moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize