The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
