I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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