Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Life is so much better after having sex.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
