Jerry, you need to find god
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
