Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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