i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
