We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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