You really coming over, don't trick.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
