when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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