My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
