Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
