Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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