Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
