I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
