The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
