guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
